Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach, I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now
I’ve been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
Tori Amos – Crucify
I don't get it. I really don't get it, why I'm doing this.
The right question is why I'm not doing this.
It feels like I'm not living like I used to do. I never was a assiduous person. I was doing my things not just because I have to but 'cause I want to... mostly. I tried to find reasons in everything. And now the reasons are hiding very well...
I gonna graduate this year. It's all about learning and being a busy little beaver. But me, the do that girl, is just lazy and keep brooding. Actually I have to write that special essay - 15 pages about the putsch in Chile in Spanish. I haven't written a single word for this. And some of my classmates are done with that work. It's like I can't think in one direction. I can't focus anymore. I wanna hear music. I wanna write my own stuff.
I guess it's part of my attitude: "Future? No way!" I'm a student since I'm 6 years old and now I can graduate and leave this crap behind but I don't know where to go. Sure to a university. Study again. But where's the focus in this?
I know that I'm not stupid but I block myself against this stuff.
I dunno what's worse that the blokade itself or that I can't get over it even if I hate it.
Another problem is that I turned into a really weird zoon politicon. I need my friends but if they're close I push them away or I get touchy. *grin* To some of them I don't even have a real connection anymore. It's still the focus what's lost. I don't know where I'm going or what I need. I'm trapped in myself... in my thoughts.
That's why I'm totally pissed off and angry about my behaviour.
One positive thing: I decided to do 50 icons for![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
creative100. My theme: David Boreanaz. Well it can be positive or totally insane. I dunno. *evilgrin*
I love icons but I'm a lousy beginner...
I wanna spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach, I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now
I’ve been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
Tori Amos – Crucify
I don't get it. I really don't get it, why I'm doing this.
The right question is why I'm not doing this.
It feels like I'm not living like I used to do. I never was a assiduous person. I was doing my things not just because I have to but 'cause I want to... mostly. I tried to find reasons in everything. And now the reasons are hiding very well...
I gonna graduate this year. It's all about learning and being a busy little beaver. But me, the do that girl, is just lazy and keep brooding. Actually I have to write that special essay - 15 pages about the putsch in Chile in Spanish. I haven't written a single word for this. And some of my classmates are done with that work. It's like I can't think in one direction. I can't focus anymore. I wanna hear music. I wanna write my own stuff.
I guess it's part of my attitude: "Future? No way!" I'm a student since I'm 6 years old and now I can graduate and leave this crap behind but I don't know where to go. Sure to a university. Study again. But where's the focus in this?
I know that I'm not stupid but I block myself against this stuff.
I dunno what's worse that the blokade itself or that I can't get over it even if I hate it.
Another problem is that I turned into a really weird zoon politicon. I need my friends but if they're close I push them away or I get touchy. *grin* To some of them I don't even have a real connection anymore. It's still the focus what's lost. I don't know where I'm going or what I need. I'm trapped in myself... in my thoughts.
That's why I'm totally pissed off and angry about my behaviour.
One positive thing: I decided to do 50 icons for
creative100. My theme: David Boreanaz. Well it can be positive or totally insane. I dunno. *evilgrin*I love icons but I'm a lousy beginner...
depressed
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